Things I learned behind enemy lines

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I've recently returned from a trip up North to visit my yankee relatives for the first time. Here are a few things I've learned about them and the culture.

- 1. They drink, a lot.

I was not surprised by this because I was warned in advance about the drinking habits of degenerate yankees but I was surprised to find out that they mostly drink beer. Being a man of refined taste I gladly accepted the sampler order of all the beers they had on tap in the local brewery. After finishing all 8 and finding one I liked I ordered another, and another, and another. Sadly, my cousin had neglected to tell me that the beer I liked hovered around 10% ABV. :)

- 2. They aren't interested in what I have to say just how I say it

For three days I was forced to long winded conversations simply because the locals would keep them going so they could hear my accent. By the third day I started making up words to see if anyone would call me on my BS. No one did and I now have many people convinced that "wahounder" is the opposite of "younder" and both describe legitimate directions. I managed to make several women blush just by speaking with them.

- 3. West Virginia really is full of ugly people

I was forced to spend many hours in this state and stop for lunch on my way to yankee country. This is a mistake I will not be repeating as I was both forced to pay a toll to use their interstate and had the displeasure of observing the locals in a gas station subway. Through some quick and dirty math I've determined that a West Virginia 10 is <= a North Carolina 2. Being an okay looking guy I'm sure I was the most handsome gentleman in the state during my short stay in it.

- 4. Yankees do not understand Southern Satire

They believe everything you tell them including things like: "Where I'm from you're required to have a 2 drinks of moonshine before driving on public roads" and "In the south we believe cousin marriage makes for a strong and tight knit family".

- 5. The hate for my Grandfather is real

I never understood why my Grandmother's family never visited until I spent time with them over the last week. They're freakin' loaded and have been for some time. My Grandfather being the ladies man that he was managed to steal away their only daughter even though he was dirt poor at the time. I plan to follow in his footsteps and steal me a yankee bride one of these days.

I'm going back next summer to their cottage/lake house next summer for ****s and giggles. I really did have fun on my first trip North of the mason dixon line. I'm mostly kidding
 
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PoetJC

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North ==> Yankees ==> North of the Mason Dixon line ==> "Behind enemy lines"???
What is this? 1892 or some such??

I'm mostly kidding
I hope so ... because #WOW. My experience has not been such. And I'm a bit saddened about the tone of this post and that you had such a ... bizarre time.
Only thing I can necessarily agree with here is the toll on WV interstates. Kinda sucks...
But could it be that you were expecting negativity and unintentionally giving off negative energy that was returned in kind?
Something about if you have low expectations - you'll get them..? And if expectations are high = leads to a good time?
IDK... Interesting post though...

J.
 

mysiteguy

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I believe his entire post was satire, intended to be funny. I read it that way, and thought it was. Reminded me of Lewis Grizzard! :)
 

Anton Chigurh

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I was warned in advance about the drinking habits of degenerate yankees but I was surprised to find out that they mostly drink beer.
This greatly depends on where "behind the lines" you are. In the rust belt it's more of the hard booze interspersed with beer. Further north, in Minnesota it's almost strictly the hard stuff. And lots of it.

Recently I saw a report stating Wisconsin is the "drunkest" state, with the antebellum south ranking last nationally. I've lived all over this country and I have to say, they definitely drink the booze the further north you go.
 

PoetJC

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I believe his entire post was satire, intended to be funny....
I read it as satire as well. Mainly. But there are some images that are kinda concerning. Eh... Perhaps I'm overthinking. IDK.
I hope it was all satire though. Otherwise sounds like a bit of a nightmare or rather the rehashing of civil war sentiments o_O.
No beer tonight - but this post does make ya wanna crack a bottle of wine open. So yeah... Gonna get my country drink on momentarily.
Thanks for the inspiration Brad LOL

J.
 

Matthew S

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- 4. Yankees do not understand Southern Satire

They believe everything you tell them including things like: "Where I'm from you're required to have a 2 drinks of moonshine before driving on public roads" and "In the south we believe cousin marriage makes for a strong and tight knit family".
I'm guessing they are also polite. :tup:
 

PoetJC

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I'm guessing they are also polite. :tup:
Funny reply.
In a world where kids are gunning each other down in school and such ... simple etiquette & politeness towards each other has become quite underrated and underappreciated. It probably shouldn't be ... But it is :whistle:
Perhaps the aforementioned moonshine jibe should literally be prescribed in an effort to take a wee bit of the malicious edge off?.. LOL

J.
 

PoetJC

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Uhh, yeah, this. :duh_pigeon:
Ha. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between satire and truthful testimony when online.
If I had a dollar for every time someone was unsure of whether I'm being fun & facetious or serious = I'd be a rich bitch. No doubt about it. Deadpan. Taking thousands to the bank..

So ARG... My apologies for the confusion on whether this thread was a truthful testimony of a less-than jovial time with family. My family is a damn mess. In fact - portions of the op are things that I've literally experienced. Except - only downsouth. And I know Brad is a country boy. So ... Yeah... Perhaps overthinking.
Maybe this should have been posted in Fun & Games then... LOL Eh... :ROFLMAO:

J.
 

Echo

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Proud Yankee here! Washington State! Not all of us are as you describe bud! :cautious:
 

Anton Chigurh

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Proud Yankee here! Washington State!
To paraphrase Days of Thunder "If you're from Washington State you're not a Yankee. You're not really anything."

"Yankee" in the vernacular describes states which are located east of the Mississippi river and North of the "Mason-Dixon Line.".
 

Echo

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To paraphrase Days of Thunder "If you're from Washington State you're not a Yankee. You're not really anything."

"Yankee" in the vernacular describes states which are located east of the Mississippi river and North of the "Mason-Dixon Line.".

Well, some of us call ourselves yanks....and to stand tall, I am something, you quoted "you're not really anything"...I beg to differ. :cool:
 
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PoetJC

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Orrrr you could just admit that you had a kneejerk reaction because you're way over-sensitive to certain issues.
Sure I could admit that. But if I did that = It would be a lie.
Obviously the op reads humorously. But being from the south (East Tennessee) and knowing a bit about the distinction between southern and northern cultures ... It just rang as a bitter truth, especially as concerns:

North ==> Yankees ==> North of the Mason Dixon line ==> "Behind enemy lines"???
What is this? 1892 or some such??
So nope. No knee-jerk reaction. It was more curiosity, a concern & a wee bit of confusion as quoted/questioned above.

I don't particularly think the post -- particularly the quoted analogy -- is all that funny. It seems a slam against a culture. It just didn't land for me.. And I know satire. I am sature LOL... And I hate having to defend myself ARG... But the op obviously has satirical element, but there is also a bit of bitter truth that I know to be held tightly by some folks in the south.

J.
 

Anton Chigurh

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But the op obviously has satirical element, but there is also a bit of bitter truth that I know to be held tightly by some folks in the south.
Hence the satire - making fun of all sides. It wasn't even well disguised.
 

PoetJC

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Hence the satire - making fun of all sides. It wasn't even well disguised.
Eh... I suppose.
I just didn't find it funny as much as I found the sentiments concerning.
I'm glad some of you fellas got a giggle out of it anyway.

J.
 

Echo

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I lived in louisiana when I was 11, Baker about 5 miles from Baton Rouge, going to school there they called me a Yank and treated me like sh*t....it took months to be accepted and a whole lot of work from me to make that happened, finally got to leave that bug filled state and come back to Washington, an experience I will never forget....there were a lot of cute girls that like my Yank status though. :LOL:
 

PoetJC

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When the southern guy pokes fun at his own stereotype, that's satire. Not sentiments.
Self-deprecating comments generally allude to a truth deep within. I'm making no assumptions - only going by the comment of the op, which boldly states the mathematics of North = Yankees = North of the Mason Dixon line idiots = Enemy. And I'm Tennessean born-n-bred. I poke fun at southern stereotypes - but I generally do not include a slew of insults towards the "Yankees" though. And there's a difference. I mean .. The word "degenerate" was used. And that's not funny. That's an insult.

Eh... Why not ask... Brad ... Why?! LOL
Was this entirely meant as a joke? What's the point? And ironically - I've been asking the same thing of my own life the past several days. IDK ... perhaps reading to much into what was supposed to be a joke which bombed for a few anyway o_O

I lived in louisiana when I was 11, Baker about 5 miles from Baton Rouge, going to school there they called me a Yank and treated me like sh*t....it took months to be accepted and a whole lot of work from me to make that happened, finally got to leave that bug filled state and come back to Washington, an experience I will never forget....there were a lot of cute girls that like my Yank status though. :LOL:
IDK about being a cute girl = but I most certainly like the Yanks hehehe.
And wow Echo. So happy that you're feeling well enough to be posting on TAZ again. I only wish you the best of luck as for fighting the capital C-word and I don't mean the derogatory for females LOL - although the capital C-word is that. Seriously though. Here's wishing you good health dude. And glad to see you around on TAZ! Cheers from Tennessee.

J.
 
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