Stoopid Is As Stoopid Does

Jim McClain

Senior Citizen
Joined
Jan 31, 2006
Messages
2,006
Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked the counter guy for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager behind the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"No, we only have six, nine, or twelve," was his reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right," he answered, so I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

---

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items when the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed together. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider and seemed to be looking it all over for a bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I looked at her in wonderment for a moment, then said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and set it in the returns basket. I paid her for my stuff and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

---

Visiting a friend recently, I noticed her aging mother using an old computer in the other room. She was putting a credit card into the floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was trying to use the "ATM thingy."

---

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She sobbed, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno, can I see it?" I asked.

Handing it to me, I could see that it was one of those keys that was also a remote door locker/unlocker. I took the key and manually unlocked the door and said, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

---

A few years ago, there was an Intern at my girlfriend's office who was none too bright. One day she was typing and turned to Christie and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper, what do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," Christie told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

---

I was in a car dealership when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in bad shape and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

---

A friend works as the computer network specialist in the central office of a large bank down town. Employees in other branches call him when they have problems with their computers. One afternoon he got a call from one of the branch banks who had this question:

"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

---

Sheriff's investigators interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. A paper with the words, "He's lying!" was placed in the copier, and the cops pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

---

I'm betting you have a stupid story too.
 

doubt

Tazmanian
Joined
Feb 25, 2013
Messages
4,874
Sheriff's investigators interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. A paper with the words, "He's lying!" was placed in the copier, and the cops pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Where can I buy that lie detector?
 

ozzy47

Tazmanian Master
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
8,989
Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked the counter guy for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager behind the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"No, we only have six, nine, or twelve," was his reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right," he answered, so I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

---

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items when the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed together. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider and seemed to be looking it all over for a bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I looked at her in wonderment for a moment, then said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK," and set it in the returns basket. I paid her for my stuff and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

---

Visiting a friend recently, I noticed her aging mother using an old computer in the other room. She was putting a credit card into the floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was trying to use the "ATM thingy."

---

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

She sobbed, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno, can I see it?" I asked.

Handing it to me, I could see that it was one of those keys that was also a remote door locker/unlocker. I took the key and manually unlocked the door and said, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

---

A few years ago, there was an Intern at my girlfriend's office who was none too bright. One day she was typing and turned to Christie and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper, what do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," Christie told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

---

I was in a car dealership when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in bad shape and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

---

A friend works as the computer network specialist in the central office of a large bank down town. Employees in other branches call him when they have problems with their computers. One afternoon he got a call from one of the branch banks who had this question:

"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

---

Sheriff's investigators interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. A paper with the words, "He's lying!" was placed in the copier, and the cops pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

---

I'm betting you have a stupid story too.

Awesome share Jim, put a smile on my face before going to work. :)
 
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