First one is haphazard and all over the place, and the render is way too unblended.
Second one is much better, has a bit of depth and flow, and the colors aren't atrocious. It looks LQ, however... the render looks blurry. I'd probably try to sharpen the render and redefine the focal to be a bit stronger, and I'd also work with dodge and burn tools to put some lighting into the sig- you already have a light source. Oh, and the text is good. Nice job.
Well, it's not necessarily stupid, but with the way the render is it's incorrect. If you want to darken, I'd probably use burn or a layer set on soft light while painting black. However, the blurriness blends it in too much.